Well, well, well. Looks who’s the most popular kid on the block. Half billion friends. Tick. Photosharing. Tick. The best stalking tool since bushes started growing outside young girls’ windows. Tick and tick. Well get ready to henceforth be known only as Book, coz Vanya is about to tear your face off.

That’s right, Social Network, things are about to get very de-friendly. Vanya doesn’t count ‘likes’; his currency is ‘hates’ and ‘pains’ and ‘pulverizings’. He doesn’t sign people up for Farmville; he deports them to Gulagville. And he doesn’t enrich Zuckerbergs; he crushes icebergs. Facebook, deletion is imminent.


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