Chris Tremlett

Well hello there giant Englishman.

You must think yourself pretty damn good, demolishing the Australian top order all summer.

Let us remind you that the Australian cricket team is now staffed by a rag tag rabble of misbegotten wretches – the like of which has never been seen on a turf rectangle before.

Time to face a bigger threat, the combination of decades of Soviet genetic engineering failures and selective breeding involving mammoth DNA and female body-builders.

It’s time for Vanya, Trembles – time for pain

Chris Tremlett


The Australian Cricket Team

Far too content to grace magazines and play with their hair – these once proud gents have gone awry.

These fools have gone from cock-sure stalwarts on song, to tattooed tossbags in less time than it takes to say “Stop pummeling me, mighty Vanya!”

It’s time for a re appraisal of the whole situation – remove the whole team and replace it with Vanya.

When it comes to sport – we’ll not give anyone a chance again – ever.

Fat Kids

Hey Fatties, guess you reckon you’re pretty tough with your Current Affairs investigstions and your Body Fat Indexes and your influence over the fast food advertising regulations. Well there’s one place where your blubbery talents wear thin: the world of Vanya’s fist.
Get ready for a serious quarter pounding, balloon arse. It’s gunna be a whole lot harder to choke down a bucket o KFC and 15 Jiffy Donuts without any teeth in your swollen head. Big boned? You’re about to be owned. Your Super-Sized Vanya Pain Deal is ready.

Crocodile Dundee

Hey Hoges, reckon you’re pretty good at throwing a shrimp on the barbie? Well get ready, coz Vanya is about to throw you on the burning fires of hell. How do you like that, funny man?
You can dodge tax, but how are you gunna dodge the mallot fist of Vanya? You can subdue giant reptiles, but how are you gunna cope with the Vanyasaurus? Damn right that’s not a knife – it’s a Vanya bashing coming your way.

Adam Pinto

Adam Pinto

Pinto, you may be the nation’s only hope in advanced rig management technologies – but Vanya is about to dash those hopes against the rock of his brow.

Your puny attempts at manhood have put the country and all of mankind to shame.  Prepare to feel the wrath of a vengeful Vanya!


Peter Garrett

Alright Cue Ball, you think you’re pretty tough, don’t you. Electrifying tradies all overe the country. Luring them up into roofs via an elaborately concieved legislation only to zap them dead when you have them where you want them. Pretty smart. Bed are Burning, indeed. Well, you might have the awesome power of the Australian Lower and Upper Houses on your side, but you don’t have Vanya. And when Vanya talks, you better listen to him. Get ready to be de-insulated; of your insides!

Barn Owl Bill

ummm… actually not so sure about this one